A Time of Mourning

A Speech Undelivered
Written by Wednesday

We are in a difficult position
On one hand, we feel the great urgency without obvious outlets through which we can ventilate our energy
With the speed of the internet, we are instantly aware of the parallel suffering the occurs as we walk along our daily route
In the same moment I sneeze from pollen another coughs from debris
As I pour myself a bowl of milk, another is poured a bowl of boiled grass
And while I pull my blanket to shield myself from the cold, another is exposed to unforgiving climes during unforgiving times

Thirty thousand
Thirty one thousand
Thirty two
Thirty three
And many more on the brink of starving

We need to do something

We need to do something

We need to do something

We chant this to ourselves
And in this urgency a panic begins to creep
And our hearts accelerate
And how fast can these hearts beat until they lose control like derailed locomotives
Pulling our minds into pandemonium or worse of all
Worse than death
Apathy

On the other hand, we must slow down at times
Pump the breaks and breathe into our bodies
And regulate that thumping sound

We must feel
Feel fully
To begin to understand how devastated we are

It is only when we are in tune and present with ourselves that we may say goodbye
You cannot bid farewell when you’re thinking of something faraway
You can’t say goodnight when you’re already halfway out the door

You have to be here

I am honored to be in community with people who also feel this way
This is not an age that accommodates mourning
This is an age that demands us to get back to work
To move on
To compartmentalize

There is such great risk in that demand
What does it do to our hearts

I shudder to think

In mourning, we can process this internal storm
Until we reach the eye, a state of calm
When calm, we can perceive the chaotic world critically and clearly
And in this state we may re-enter the storm, centered and grounded

I cannot say what happens after mourning
I’m in it now and can hardly see
I survived before and I’ll survive again
After is soon and after is then

There are ceremonies and rites that exist now that can be studied
Traditions that should be observed and new ones to be invented
We used to carve statues and burn pyres in reverence and respect
Regardless of the material form or action
The work needs to be done lest we become undone

It is so important to mourn because we are responsible
For the meaning we put into life and death
No intellectual, no poet, no politician can tell us and make us understand what life and death mean
Each one of us arrives to our own understanding

Through feeling, over time, as we breathe
And so we mourn
And so we mourn
And so we mourn