Discolored
Content Warning: Death and Dying
His lips were discolored blue
What was I to do?
The man’s face had become discolored too
His face was gray and pallid
I heard the young man in the gray hoodie on the phone.
He had called 911.
“I don’t know CPR.”
How did I get here?
I was driving down the road.
My partner saw an orange jacket strewn across the way.
“Watch out!”
I swerved unseeing
Afraid a dark cat had crossed our path.
The orange peel grew small in the rearview mirror.
I turned to them.
They looked at me.
My gold car turned and slowly approached the orange jacket.
That’s when I saw the young man in the gray hoodie.
And the unconscious gray man on his side on the street.
I parked like an idiot on a side street and asked stupid questions.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I found him like this.”
“Is he breathing?”
“I don’t know.”
I looked about
The lamps paved a rusty light along the lonely streets
The air was still and quiet
It looked like the gray man had stripped off his orange jacket
Perhaps in an attempt to signal someone
Or to relieve himself of the feeling of constriction
I bent down to him and placed my hand on his large arm
He did not respond when I called to him
His tongue had set off like an air bag
His cheeks were puffed out
The tongue bulging
I made my way back to my car for my first aid kit
My partner stared wide-eyed from the passenger seat
I popped open the center console and found my ziplock bag
Full of antiseptic, and bandages and gauze
Dumbly fingering through for something that would help
Like it would magically appear
“Don’t you know CPR?”
Who?
They were talking about me.
Me? Do I know CPR?
The answer that came to me was, yes.
Since when?
This felt like news to me.
I tried to recover these ancient memories.
Oh yes, that’s right.
It was yesterday wasn’t it.
I had learned CPR yesterday at work.
That’s fortunate.
Now all I’d have to do is remember.
Surely, I could do that.
The gym classroom had dummies scattered throughout the space
Me included
The nurse showed us how to do mouth to mouth
To restore airflow
And chest compressions
To force the heart to beat
I made my way back to the gray man
The sound of Bee Gees echoing loudly in the gym classroom
I told the young man I knew CPR
He relayed the information to the operator
He told me an ambulance was on the way
I just needed to perform CPR until they got there
The gray man was much larger than the beige dummy
We rolled him on his back and I knelt on the road
In class, the nurse had shown us a face mask
To protect users during mouth to mouth
I did not have one
In my little baggie of bandages and ibuprofen
Looking at the swollen tongue
I don’t even know how I would force air through
Saliva had collected
And a string of drool stretched
Remembering that this part wasn’t mandatory,
Though what does mandatory mean in this context,
I silently apologized and moved on to the chest compressions
I locked my palms together and found their place at his chest
I pushed my weight into him to squeeze his heart manually
Pumping to the rhythm of “Stayin’ Alive.”
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
The gray man’s face remained gray
Had I checked his pulse?
I don’t remember
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
I wondered what he looked like When he wasn’t gray
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
Crack
A chill ran up my spine
I had broken a rib
For weeks to come I would feel that chill
Stepping on a dry branch
Or biting into a leaf of lettuce
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ Alive
Stayin’ -
Eventually the ambulance arrives
I back away as they approach
My heart is racing and operating correctly
They check his vitals and prepare to move him
I think of all the relevant information to provide
Which was what?
What was there to know?
I didn’t know anything about him
What if they thought I was involved?
I should be prepared to speak on that as well
Three EMT’s lifted the body into the vehicle
Voices muttered from their walkie talkies
The doors shut
And they drove away
The red and blue lights dying into the night
